Tips to reignite your libido

Among the questions that come up most often with our customer service team, one recurs very regularly: how to boost your libido? Many people experience significant fluctuations in desire, finding themselves suddenly disconnected from their own sensuality, without really understanding what is slipping away within their body, their mind, or between them and their partner.

And the first thing to know — the one that should bring you immediate relief: this is entirely normal. Desire breathes like everything that lives. It rises and falls, it sleeps and wakes, it waits for us to seek it out in the folds of our overfull lives.

This fluctuation affects men, women, and non-binary people alike. It can arise at any moment in life: after the birth of a child, a separation, a change of job, or simply because time passes and the body transforms.

Do not blame yourself. This drop in libido is not a failure. It is a signal, an invitation to listen to yourself with greater care.

That said, we understand that you may need to make sense of what causes these fluctuations to dance or disappear and, above all, that you may long to find your way back to a fulfilling intimate life. That is why the 1969 team offers its recommendations, born from listening to those who trust us, to gently rekindle that inner fire that belongs to you.

Low libido: the right questions to ask yourself

Do you have enough time for intimacy?

Your libido does not exist in a vacuum. It is the result of many factors, certainly, but above all it needs two things: time and mental space.

Between work, children, family obligations, errands, unread emails, calls to return: mental load weighs heavily on your shoulders by day, and follows you to bed at night. 

It is normal, but it is not inevitable.

It is up to you to dedicate time to your intimacy. Deliberately, consciously, without guilt. Whether as a couple or alone — because yes, self-pleasure counts, it counts enormously. It is an act of love toward yourself, a ritual of reconnection with your own body. Block out an evening in your diary if need be. Your pleasure is worth it.

How do you feel in your body?

Then ask yourself this essential question: how do you truly feel in your own skin?

1. It is not only the psychological and emotional dimension that affects libido. Physical health plays a major role. Certain gynaecological conditions (endometriosis, PCOS) directly impact desire. The same applies to certain penile dysfunctions. If you suspect a health issue, do not hesitate to consult a professional: appropriate care can transform your sex life.

2. And then there are the major milestones of life. Menopause for women, andropause for men: these transitions transform the body. Libido often takes a blow, because sex hormones (oestrogen and progesterone in women, testosterone in men) waver and shift. Fortunately, treatments exist for comprehensive management of these symptoms, of which libido is a part. A conversation with a healthcare professional can make a world of difference.

3. There is also the question of insecurities, that relationship we maintain with our own bodies. According to a study conducted by Ifop on the famous "summer body", 1 in 2 French people dislike their body, with a pronounced tendency among women: 60% say they are affected by body insecurities. And this genuinely affects desire. If you are not comfortable with your nudity, with intimacy, with the very idea of being seen, loved, touched in your vulnerability, desire withdraws. It waits for you to rediscover it.

Does your intimate life suit you?

Here is another question, often unspoken yet burning: does your intimate life truly suit you?

The rhythm, the frequency, the way things unfold between you (or within yourself), the positions that have become fixed rituals, the lack of conversation about intimacy, the absence of genuine emotional comfort: all of these elements can create a silent mental block that quietly drains your desire.

Because intimacy, when it does not truly suit us, when it leaves us indifferent or places us in a posture that does not feel like ourselves, becomes a chore. And the moment it becomes a chore, we avoid it — consciously or not.

It is important to sit honestly with yourself, but also to talk to your partner so that things can evolve in the right direction. Often, it is simple details that change everything: a new position, a new accessory, a new rhythm, an honest conversation beneath the sheets.

Discomfort during intimacy: how does it affect your libido?

And then there is this often unspoken reality: if it hurts, you develop apprehension.

For women, dyspareunia, vaginal dryness. For men, erectile difficulties. For others, chronic pain, a persistent discomfort. You dread intimacy, an enormous pressure builds on your shoulders, you tense up, truly unable to relax. When the moment comes, your sensations elude you. You cannot truly let go and find pleasure.

In the end, you have less intimacy because you are avoiding it.

And so the cycle sets in: the less you return to intimacy, the less libido stirs. Desire needs tending like a rare plant: it needs you to come back to it, to cultivate it gently. Rediscovering your intimacy, alone or as a couple, is the way to reawaken that inner fire, to nourish your sensual world, and to keep your body from becoming a mere functional tool.

It is also the opportunity to remind yourself that your body is not merely a tool for working and getting through the day. It is an object of desire, of pleasure, of sensation. It deserves to be revisited with tenderness.

Our tips for boosting your libido

Immerse yourself in a sensual atmosphere

For your next intimate session, whether alone or as a couple, think about nurturing the context and the atmosphere.

This is what will awaken your sensuality and your libido. It begins with:

• A sensual playlist. Music that speaks to you, that relaxes you, that lets you breathe differently. No need for clichés: what resonates with you is what matters.

• Soft, dim lighting. Neon or harsh light: absolutely not. Candles, a discreet lamp, complete darkness if you prefer it. Shadow has its own palette of colours.

• Something delicious to eat. Strawberries, chocolate, whipped cream if you enjoy playing with flavours. Or simply a warm cup of tea — whatever soothes you.

• Some massage candles and accessories to join the experience. A massage session for two, beautifully scented oils, pleasant textures against the skin.

What matters is creating a disconnection from everyday life. You step out of your roles, you allow yourself to enter the more sensual part of yourself — the part that can breathe, slow down, and inhabit your body differently. It is a shift in posture, both literally and emotionally.

Giving more time to foreplay

Foreplay is often underestimated and rather poorly named.

By "foreplay", we generally mean all the sensual acts and gestures that are not penetration: caresses, lingering kisses, massages, clitoral stimulation, everything that creates a gentle rise in desire. But in truth, these moments are an integral and central part of intimacy, not merely an introduction.

And here is something that is not said often enough: an encounter can be deeply satisfying and profoundly complete without penetration. We simply need to reject the expectations that led us to believe it was the necessary conclusion.

Well-conducted foreplay is an excellent way to reconnect with your libido, without approaching it too abruptly. You let desire build gradually, perhaps discovering erogenous zones you were unaware of, returning to presence, to touch, to what it truly means to be alive.

And if foreplay feels a little dull in your current routine? Do not hesitate to enrich it with accessories: body paint, sensual massage oils, or even simply taking the time to massage yourself while exploring your erogenous zones. It is a way to stimulate your arousal AND take care of yourself at the same time.

Return to sensation

If your libido has fallen asleep, it is often because you have forgotten what your body is capable of — the sensations it can offer, the richness of what it can create.

Before diving into more complex explorations, return to pure sensation. Reconnect with your skin as though for the very first time.

The arousing and stimulating gels are your essential allies for this. They are not a gimmick: they are sensory tools that awaken dormant areas, creating a new experience on familiar skin. They work according to different principles, adapted to your pleasure zones and desires.

For oral pleasure 

The clitoris and the penis have a complete sensory world of their own. Specialized gels for clitoral stimulation or penile stimulation for oral pleasure offer varied sensations: some create a delicate warmth, others bring an invigorating coolness, while others heighten the sensitivity of this intensely receptive area. Apply the Oral Sex Balm generously to your lips before performing oral pleasure. The sensations are multiplied tenfold.

For the G-spot and vaginal stimulation

For those who enjoy penetration, G-spot stimulating gels add a new dimension. They heighten the sensitivity of the inner vaginal walls, particularly around the G-spot. The Orgasm Rainfall G-spot stimulant is an absolute essential: its hot/cold effect accompanies you throughout foreplay and penetration.

For penile stimulation

Specialized gels for the penis intensify the responsiveness of this hypersensitive area. The Pulse Me Down penis stimulating gel diffuses a gentle warming sensation to improve the quality and duration of erection. For those rediscovering their pleasure or wishing to intensify their sensations, this is a fascinating territory to explore — an invitation to slow down and truly feel.

For the P-spot and prostate stimulation

For men and people with a penis, the prostate (P-spot) is a largely unexplored world of pleasure. Stimulating gels enhance the sensitivity of this area for an exploration rich in discovery. The P-spot stimulant Release Me was designed specifically for this: it will quickly become your greatest ally.

Using stimulants wisely

The key is to explore at your own pace, free from any expectation of performance. Start with a small amount, observe how your body responds, increase if it resonates with you. Each application is a conversation with your own sensuality. What works one day may be different on another, and that is perfectly normal. Make your body a laboratory of sensations, a space where curiosity takes precedence over urgency.

How to break out of routine?

According to a survey conducted by Discurv in June 2025, more than 70% of French people consider their intimate life "standard" or routine. And you know what? That is one of the main reasons libido falls asleep.

When intimacy becomes predictable, when every gesture and every position is known, when there is no longer any surprise, the mind disconnects. We slip into autopilot. And there it is: desire fades quietly, replaced by habit.

Here is how to break free from this rut:

• Explore other sources of arousal. Erotic audio content, sensual reading, thoughtfully crafted films. There is beautiful content out there — erotic without being vulgar — that can awaken your imagination.

• Read the blogs of erotic websites, especially personal accounts. You will discover that other people also dream, explore, and dare. It normalises and inspires.

• Change your setting, your atmosphere. Not always the same bed, the same time of day, the same routine. A romantic weekend away, a stolen afternoon, a new and unfamiliar place: these create a welcome jolt.

• Break down taboos. Talk about intimacy freely, with your partner, with close friends if you feel comfortable. Sexuality is a subject that concerns everyone: it is by speaking about it openly that it becomes less shameful, less frightening.

• Allow yourself to be the one who initiates, who suggests, who shows up. This posture changes a great deal.

What emerges from all of this is the importance of being connected to yourself and taking the time to truly listen to your own needs.

Scan yourself, diagnose yourself, to pinpoint what is holding you back: is it mental, physical, relational, or contextual? A drop in libido is never just a symptom. It speaks. It is telling you something. It is up to you to hear it with gentleness and curiosity, rather than with guilt.

Lubricant: the discreet ally of your libido 

Lubricant is not a luxury option. It is a key element for rekindling libido.

Feel free to use it during your intimate moments: during solo self-pleasure, during vaginal penetrative sex, or if you are enjoying yourself with a sex toy.

Lubricant considerably improves comfort. You can take your time without pain, without uncomfortable friction. It is a precious product if you suffer from vaginal dryness or if you feel apprehensive about penetration.

It is a true libido catalyst — it removes the barrier of stress and discomfort that is still holding you back.

Our advice: take the time to compare the different formulas to find the one that suits your needs. Water-based, oil-based, silicone-based — it can be difficult to find your way.

Here is a quick guide:

Formulation	The pros	The cons
Water-based	Compatible with all materials (silicone, glass, steel).  Easy to clean.  Natural sensation.	Can dry out over time, requires reapplication.  Less stable.
Silicone-based	Long-lasting, stays slippery. Smooth sensation.  Great for anal play.	Incompatible with silicone sex toys.  More difficult to clean.
Oil-based	Rich, natural sensation. Long-lasting	May stain. Incompatible with condoms. Not recommended for sex toys.

 

Ultimately, to understand your variations in libido, you must return to your body and the messages it is quietly whispering to you.

Take the time to self-scan and self-diagnose to pinpoint what is holding you back: is it mental, physical, relational, or contextual?

A drop in libido is never just a symptom. It speaks — it is telling you something.

It is up to you to hear it.