Tips to reignite your libido

Among the questions that come up most often from our customer service team, one returns very regularly: how to reignite one's libido? Many are those who experience significant fluctuations of desire, who suddenly find themselves disconnected from their own sensuality, without truly understanding what is fading within their body, their mind, or between them.

And the first thing to know — the one that should bring you immediate relief: it is entirely normal. Desire breathes like all living things. It rises and falls, it sleeps and awakens, it waits to be sought out in the folds of our overly full lives.

This fluctuation affects men, women, and non-binary people alike. It can arise at any moment in life: after a birth, a separation, a change of job, or simply because the years pass and the body transforms.

Do not feel guilty. This loss of libido is not a failure. It is a signal, an invitation to listen to yourself with greater attention.

That said, we understand that you need to understand what makes these fluctuations dance or withdraw and, above all, that you wish to find your way back to a fulfilling intimacy. That is why the team at 1969 offers you their recommendations, born from listening to those who place their trust in us, to gently rekindle that inner flame which belongs to you.

Loss of libido: the right questions to ask yourself

Do you have enough time for intimacy?

Your libido does not exist in a vacuum. It is the result of a combination of factors, certainly, but above all it needs two things: time and mental space.

Between work, children, family obligations, errands, unread emails, calls to return: the mental load weighs heavily on your shoulders during the day, and follows you to bed at night. 

It is normal, but it is not inevitable.

It is up to you to dedicate time to your intimacy. Deliberately, consciously, without guilt. Whether as a couple or alone, because yes, masturbation counts — it counts enormously. It is an act of love towards oneself, a ritual of reconnection with your own body. Block out an evening in your diary if necessary. Your pleasure is worth it.

How do you feel in your body?

Then, ask yourself this essential question: how do you feel in your own skin?

1. It is not only the psychological and emotional dimension that affects libido. Physical health plays a major role. Certain gynaecological conditions (endometriosis, PCOS) directly impact desire. The same goes for certain penile dysfunctions. If you suspect a health issue, do not hesitate to consult a professional: appropriate care can transform your sex life. Have you thought about Kegel balls?

2. And then there are life's great milestones. The menopause in women, the andropause in men: these transitions transform the body. Libido often takes a knock, because sex hormones (oestrogens, progesterone in women, testosterone in men) waver and shift. Fortunately, treatments exist for a comprehensive management of symptoms, of which libido is a part. A conversation with a healthcare professional can make a great difference.

3. There is also the question of insecurities, that relationship we maintain with our own body. According to a study conducted by Ifop on the famous "summer body", 1 in 2 French people dislike their body, with a marked tendency among women: 60% say they are affected by insecurities. And this truly affects desire. If you are not at ease with your nudity, with intimacy, with the very idea of being seen, loved, touched in your vulnerability, desire withdraws. It waits for you to rediscover it.

Does your intimate life suit you?

Here is another question, often unspoken yet burning: does your intimate life truly suit you?

The rhythm, the frequency, the way things unfold between you (or with yourself), the positions that become fixed rituals, the lack of dialogue around sex, the absence of true emotional comfort: all of these elements can create a silent mental block that gently robs you of desire.

Because sex, when it does not truly suit us, when it leaves us indifferent or places us in a posture that does not feel like ourselves, becomes a chore. And as soon as it becomes a chore, we avoid it, consciously or not.

It is important to sit honestly with yourself, but also to talk to your partner so that things can evolve in the right direction. Often, it is simple details that change everything: a new position, a new accessory, a new rhythm, an honest conversation between the sheets.

Discomfort during intimacy: how does it affect your libido?

And then there is this reality that is so often left unspoken: if you feel pain, you develop apprehension.

In women, dyspareunia, vaginal dryness. In men, erectile difficulties. In others, chronic pain, a persistent discomfort. You approach intimacy with apprehension, an enormous pressure accumulates on your shoulders, you tense up, unable to truly relax. When the moment comes, your sensations slip away. You cannot truly let go and find pleasure.

Ultimately, you have less intimacy because you are avoiding it.

And so the cycle sets in: the less one returns to intimacy, the less libido stirs. Desire is tended like a rare plant: it needs to be revisited, cultivated gently. Rediscovering your intimacy, alone or as a couple, is the way to reawaken that inner flame, to nourish your sensual world, to keep your body from becoming a mere functional tool.

It is also an opportunity to remind yourself that your body is not merely a tool for working and getting through the day. It is an object of desire, of pleasure, of sensation. It deserves to be revisited with kindness.

Our advice for reigniting your libido

Immersing yourself in a sensual atmosphere

For your next intimate session, whether alone or as a couple, think about nurturing the setting and the atmosphere.

It is what will awaken your sensuality and your libido. This comes through:

• A sensual playlist. Music that speaks to you, that relaxes you, that makes you breathe differently. No need for clichés: it is what resonates with you that matters.

• Soft lighting. Neon lights or harsh brightness: absolutely not. Candles, a discreet lamp, complete darkness if you prefer it. Shadow has its own colours.

• Things to eat that you enjoy. Strawberries, chocolate, whipped cream if you like to play with flavours. Or simply a warm cup of tea — whatever soothes you.

• Some massage candles and accessories to join the occasion. A massage session for two, beautifully scented oils, pleasant textures against the skin.

The important thing is to create a disconnection from everyday life. You step out of your role, you allow yourself to enter the more sensual part of yourself — the part that can afford to breathe, to slow down, to inhabit your body differently. It is a shift in posture, literally and emotionally.

Giving more time to foreplay

Foreplay is often underestimated and rather poorly named.

By "foreplay", we generally mean all sensual acts or gestures that do not involve penetration: caresses, lingering kisses, massages, clitoral stimulation — everything that creates a gentle rise of desire. But in truth, these moments are an integral and central part of intimacy, not merely an introduction.

And here is what is not said often enough: an intimate encounter can be deeply satisfying and complete without penetration. One simply needs to refuse the expectations that led us to believe it was THE necessary conclusion.

Foreplay, when approached with care, is an excellent way to reconnect with your libido, without rushing in too abruptly. You allow desire to build gradually, perhaps discovering erogenous zones you were unaware of, returning to presence, to touch, to what it truly means to be alive.

And if foreplay feels a little dull in your current routine? Do not hesitate to enrich it with accessories: body painting, sensual massage oils, or even simply taking the time to massage yourself while exploring your erogenous zones. It is a way to stimulate your arousal AND take care of yourself at the same time.

Returning to the senses

If your libido has fallen asleep, it is often because you have forgotten what your body is capable of, the sensations it can offer, the richness of what it can create.

Before embarking on more complex explorations, return to pure sensation. Reconnect with your skin as though for the very first time.

The arousing and stimulating gels are your essential allies for this. They are not a gimmick: they are sensory tools that awaken dormant areas, creating a new experience on familiar skin. They work according to different logics, tailored to your pleasure zones and desires.

For oral sex 

The clitoris and the penis have a complete sensory world. Specialised gels for clitoral stimulation or penile stimulation for oral sex offer varied sensations: some create a delicate warmth, others offer an invigorating coolness, still others heighten the sensitivity of this extraordinarily receptive area. Apply the Oral Sex Balm generously to your lips before performing cunnilingus or fellatio. The sensations are multiplied tenfold.

For the G-spot and vaginal stimulation

For those who enjoy penetration, G-spot stimulating gels add a new dimension. They heighten the sensitivity of the internal vaginal walls, particularly around the G-spot. The Orgasm Rainfall G-spot stimulant is an essential: its warm/cold effect accompanies you through foreplay and penetration.

For penile stimulation

Specialised gels for the penis intensify the responsiveness of this hypersensitive area. The Pulse Me Down penis stimulating gel diffuses a gentle sensation of warmth to improve the quality and duration of erection. For those rediscovering their pleasure or wishing to intensify their sensations, it is a fascinating territory to explore, an invitation to slow down and truly feel.

For the P-spot and prostate stimulation

For men and people with a penis, the prostate (P-spot) is a largely unexplored world of pleasure. Stimulating gels heighten the sensitivity of this area for an exploration rich in discovery. The Release Me P-spot stimulant was specifically designed for this: it will quickly become your best ally.

Using stimulants wisely

The important thing is to explore at your own pace, without any expectation of performance. Apply a small amount first, observe how your body responds, increase if it speaks to you. Each application is a conversation with your own sensuality. What works one day may be different another day, and that is perfectly normal. Make your body a laboratory of sensations, a space where curiosity takes precedence over urgency.

How to break out of the routine?

According to a survey conducted by Discurv in June 2025, more than 70% of French people consider their sex life to be "standard" or routine. And do you know what? It is one of the main reasons why libido falls asleep.

When intimacy becomes predictable, when every gesture and position is known, when there is no longer any surprise, the mind disconnects. We slip into automatic mode. And so it is: desire fades gently, replaced by habit.

Here is how one escapes this rut:

• Try other sources of arousal. Erotic audio, sensual reading, tastefully crafted videos. There are magnificent erotic yet never vulgar works that can awaken your imagination.

• Read the blogs of erotic websites, in particular the testimonials. You discover that other people also dream, explore, and dare. It normalises and it inspires.

• Change location, change atmosphere. Not always the same bed, the same time of day, the same routine. A romantic weekend away, a stolen afternoon, a new place: it creates a welcome jolt.

• Break down taboos. Talk about sex without embarrassment — with your partner, with close friends if you feel comfortable. Intimacy is a subject that concerns everyone: it is by speaking openly about it that it becomes less shameful, less frightening.

• Allow yourself to be the one who initiates, who suggests, who makes themselves seen. This shift changes a great deal.

What emerges from all of this is the importance of being connected to yourself and taking the time to truly listen to your own needs.

Self-scan and self-diagnose to put your finger on what is holding you back: is it mental, physical, relational, or contextual? A loss of libido is never merely a symptom. It speaks. It is telling you something. Listen to it with gentleness and curiosity, rather than with guilt.

Lubricant: your libido's discreet ally 

Lubricant is not a luxury option. It is a key element for rekindling libido.

Do not hesitate to use it during your intimate moments: during solo masturbation, during vaginal penetrative sex, if you are enjoying yourself with a sex toy.

Lubricant considerably improves comfort. You can take your time without pain, without unpleasant friction. It is a precious product if you suffer from vaginal dryness or if you have apprehensions about penetration.

It is a true libido catalyst, removing the barrier of stress and discomfort that still holds you back.

Our advice: take the time to compare the different formulas to find the one that suits your needs. Water-based, oil-based, silicone-based — it can be difficult to find your way.

Here is a quick guide:

Formula	The +'s	The -'s
Water-based	Compatible with all materials (silicone, glass, steel).  Easy to clean.  Natural sensation.	Can dry out over time, requires reapplication.  Less stable.
Silicone-based	Long-lasting, stays slippery. Smooth sensation.  Suitable for anal play.	Incompatible with silicone sex toys.  More difficult to clean.
Oil-based	Natural, rich sensation. Long-lasting	May stain. Incompatible with condoms. Not recommended for sex toys.

 

Ultimately, to understand your variations in libido, you must return to the body and the messages it whispers to you.

Take the time to self-scan and self-diagnose to put your finger on what is holding you back: is it mental, physical, relational, or contextual?

A loss of libido is never merely a symptom. It speaks — it is telling you something.

It is up to you to hear it.