Guide

According to a Discurv study published in 2025, the threesome ranks among the most widespread fantasies in France, particularly among women (40% of female respondents in a European IFOP survey). And for good reason: it is one of the finest ways to step outside pre-established sexual scripts, to let desire speak without filter and to completely reinvent the codes of sexuality. A threesome isn't reserved for couples. Single people, heterosexual couples, queer, lesbian, gay — it doesn't matter. What counts is that open-mindedness, that curiosity, that shared desire to explore together what three bodies can create. On paper, it's thrilling. In real life? It's more complicated. How does it really unfold? How do you ensure everyone feels at ease? How do you find the right person — or people — for your threesome? Here is the guide you've been waiting for, for those who want to take the plunge. How to bring up a threesome with your partner? The right setting for the conversation If you are in a relationship and you raise this question, one rule applies: context is (almost) everything. Don't start this conversation after an argument, during a moment of tension, and above all not in the midst of intimacy (or immediately after). Raw desire is not the right moment to talk about shared intimacy. Create a calm, neutral moment : a quiet dinner for two, a walk, an instant where you feel connected without sex being the immediate backdrop. The atmosphere must be conducive to trust — the kind where you sense that the other person is truly receptive, open, not on the defensive. When you raise the subject, be precise about your intentions. Don't leave your partner imagining the worst. Tell them clearly what excites you: is it the thrill of sharing your intimacy? The possibility of discovering new sensations? The desire to breathe new life into your shared world? Express that this is a shared project, an adventure you want to experience together — not a veiled criticism of your relationship or your current sexuality. If you are single, you won't have this prior conversation with a partner, but the importance of establishing a clear framework with those who will take part is no less significant. Threesome: the points that must absolutely be addressed Before taking the plunge, certain questions must be laid on the table, for all three participants: Context and logistics. Where? When? At yours or elsewhere? For a first time, you need to be prepared physically and psychologically. Total improvisation can create unnecessary anxiety. Talk about the location, the timing, the way everything will be organised in practice. What you are willing to do or not do. Which positions appeal to you? Where do you draw the line? What you're happy to explore, and what is off-limits. No judgement, but total clarity. You don't want to be intimate with a close friend? Say so. Your fears and reservations. Be honest about what worries you. Feeling afraid of being left out, jealous, or inadequate is perfectly normal. Naming these concerns is how you disarm them. A threesome only succeeds when all three people feel involved, valued, and never overlooked. The relational context. Who is the third person? A friend, a stranger found online, a colleague you're fond of? The dynamic will not be the same depending on whether a pre-existing connection exists or not. Discuss what this implies relationally for each person involved. The before and the after. Do you stay together as three afterwards? Do you find yourselves as a couple again? Do you sleep together? When do you speak next? Don't leave these details unclear. Many disappointments arise from unspoken expectations about what happens once the bodies have parted. And above all: consent is the absolute priority for all three people. It is the foundation upon which everything rests. What reservations might your partner have? When a threesome is mentioned, certain fears come up regularly, and they are entirely legitimate. Knowing them means anticipating them. The fear of being left out is the most common : "What if I don't feel involved in what's happening? What if the other two focus on each other, leaving me on the sidelines?" It is vital to discuss this beforehand. During intimacy, everyone must be attentive to ensuring that no one is left out. Jealousy. Even in an open relationship, seeing your partner with someone else can trigger unexpected emotions. Some find it exciting, others may find it very difficult. Talk about it openly together before taking the plunge. The fear of performance. "What if it doesn't go well? What if I'm not up to it?" Let go of that worry right now. Sex is fun, not a competition. No one is there to judge, compare or evaluate. You are there to feel good and to do yourself some good. That's all. How to find a threesome? Talking to those around you It may very well be that within your circle, someone attracts you: a friend, an acquaintance you see from time to time and with whom the connection could move to the next level. If you're considering this option, be extremely clear about the boundaries. The last thing you want is for this intimate experience to damage a precious friendship. The more explicit, the better. Ask the same questions as you would of a stranger, perhaps even with greater clarity, since an enduring relationship depends on it. If no one in your usual circle feels right, go out, frequent bars, create connection, a spark. Pay attention to the small gestures, the glances, the moments of mutual tenderness. Create a sexual tension and observe how each person responds. Sometimes, attraction blooms where you least expect it. Dedicated apps Classic dating apps (Tinder, Bumble) can work, but you'll come across a huge number of profiles that aren't necessarily looking for a threesome. If you go that route, be clear about your intentions in your bio. Be direct: "We're looking for someone for a threesome" saves time and avoids misunderstandings. Even better: dedicated apps. Here are our recommendations: Feeld : one of the best known, designed to explore all fantasies without judgement. Nous Libertins : for couples or individuals seeking shared experiences. Le club app : an application designed for libertines FetLife : if you imagine your threesome with a more BDSM edge. These apps save you precious time. Everyone there shares the same explicit intention. Look for profiles with experience, who understand the codes, who inspire trust. Take your time. Don't rush towards the first interesting profile. The finest experiences are born from patience and intuition. Libertine evenings Libertine evenings or libertine clubs are the real-life equivalent of dating apps, but with cocktails, music, and atmosphere. Attendees arrive knowing that the door is open to encounters, exchanges, perhaps direct action on the night. You can go alone or as a couple. It's a place for connection and exploration, a space where desire can be expressed freely, without shame. Finding the right evening or the right venue is less straightforward than it seems, especially if you're new to it. Word of mouth remains your greatest ally : you can be assured the evening will be of quality, organised by serious people who take consent seriously. Before going, check: the theme, the average age of attendees, the reputation, the consent guarantees, the venue. You want to be somewhere that inspires trust. Once there, it's like a bar, a spa or a regular evening, but infused with eroticism : the outfits are bolder, the music more sensual, the atmosphere more charged. You can let yourself go completely — dance, kiss, explore. The libertine clubs of the 1970s had exactly that energy: a place where sexual freedom was expressed openly and without guilt. A threesome: how does it unfold? Three bodies, three different rhythms. What takes ten minutes for one may take twenty for another and forty for the last. At 1969 we believe that sex toys are not so much crutches, but rather tools of synchronisation : a variable-intensity stimulator allows each person to heighten their pleasure without rushing the others. A shared remote transforms the variations into a collective game. Furthermore, before taking the plunge, test certain practices as a couple beforehand : double penetration, for example. You will approach the threesome more serenely, knowing what works for you. The secret? Not to seek perfect synchrony, but to honour each person's own rhythm. What positions work for a threesome With three bodies, the configurations are endless. Here are a few ideas based on anatomies and desires, to give you a direction by incorporating a sex toy. Woman / Woman / Man Configuration 1 : vaginal penetration + stimulation between women The man penetrates one of the women. The other draws closer and both women caress, pleasure and kiss one another. The woman being penetrated experiences double excitement: the man's penetration and the contact with her partner. For this configuration, a clitoral stimulator with multiple uses allows the woman being penetrated or the second woman to receive clitoral stimulation. She can use it herself or her partner can do so for her. Configuration 2 : Oral pleasure + masturbation with an air pulse stimulator The man receives oral pleasure from one of the women. To heighten the pleasure for everyone, you can use an arousing and stimulating lip gloss that awakens sensations and creates additional thrills. Meanwhile, the other woman receives attentive stimulation with a pulsed-air clitoral stimulator, guided by the man or by his partner. The pulsed-air stimulator creates a sensation of waves that gradually intensifies pleasure, building a parallel crescendo: as the man's arousal rises through the act of oral pleasure, the women reach the same level of desire through clitoral stimulation. All three bodies find their natural synchronisation. Configuration 3: vaginal penetration + masturbation with a realistic dildo The man penetrates one of the women. The other woman can also be penetrated at the same time thanks to a realistic dildo . Either the man or one of the women can stimulate her partner to create sensations of double penetration without the third body being directly involved. The women can also penetrate one another. A double dong (that long sex toy which divides into two ends) allows both women to penetrate one another simultaneously, enjoying the closeness and each other's movements. The man savours the view, can caress them or stimulate them in other ways. Man / Woman / Man Configuration 1 : one man penetrates, the other receives One of the men penetrates the woman vaginally or anally. The other man is pleasured manually, receives oral attention or simply lets himself be caressed by one of the two partners. A vibrating cockring helps to delay and intensify the pleasure of the one receiving stimulation. The vibration heightens sensations without being too intrusive. Configuration 2 : double penetration This is often the central fantasy in this configuration: the woman receives both men simultaneously, one vaginally, the other anally (or according to her preferences). A cockring or penis ring can also be used to maintain an erection for longer. Consider an adjustable cockring such as the Hero Ring if you're unsure which model to choose: made from soft medical-grade silicone, it suits all sizes and all penis shapes. An intimate lubricant is absolutely essential here: it's the secret to everything unfolding with comfort and ease. The Mixgliss Max range is ideal for accompanying an intense and prolonged experience. It's a reliable choice for your threesome. To prepare the woman for double penetration, the couple can use a dildo or a harness such as the Desirous to practise this rather intense experience in advance. Configuration 3 : vaginal penetration + oral pleasure One of the men penetrates the woman vaginally. The other man receives oral pleasure from her. The woman is at the centre, double stimulation, double sensation. You can add arousing products for oral pleasure to intensify the experience. Man / Man / Man Configuration 1: simultaneous penetration One man penetrates the second, who penetrates the third. A chain of pleasure, a sensation of bodily continuity. Think about using an anal sex toy to prepare. Configuration 2 : penetration + manual stimulation One penetrates the other while the third pleasures himself or with a masturbator. Configuration 3 : penetration + oral pleasure One penetrates the second while the third finds pleasure through oral intimacy. Each body holds its place, receives its own particular attention. Woman / Woman / Woman Configuration 1 : multi-stimulation masturbation The three women caress one another with their fingers, tongues or a sex toy such as a rabbit vibrator designed for dual stimulation (clitoral and penetration). One or several sex toys can pass between them, each discovering them at her own pace. Configuration 2 : the vibrating egg as a collective game In a three-woman configuration, the vibrating egg can create an interesting game: one wears it while the other two decide when to activate it, or each can wear one and mix up the remotes. Each woman experiences this freedom of hands: caressing the other without interruption, exploring, playing with intensities. It is a form of shared power and pleasure where no one is left out. Configuration 3 : harness + double stimulation One of the women wears a harness with a dildo or a strap-on and penetrates one of her partners. The Unique lingerie harness can accommodate one or two dildos for double penetration. It is perfect for pegging, vaginal penetration and double penetration. The woman being penetrated can also pleasure the third woman: each one gives and receives at the same time. The essential accessories for a threesome Before embarking on a group experience, equip yourself with the right accessories. Here is what your kit should contain for a successful first threesome: Intimate lubricant : this is the absolute priority. With three bodies, intimacy can last longer, feel more intense, create more friction. A good lubricant dramatically improves comfort and allows everything to unfold smoothly. Water-based is essential if you are using silicone sex toys. In a configuration with at least one man and one woman : A multi-stimulation sex toy such as the Man Wand Edgy , a powerful 2-in-1 Wand with an interchangeable head. It allows stimulation of erogenous zones, as well as the frenulum, the glans, and the perineum. A perfect all-in-one for your threesome. For configurations with at least two women: A dildo or vibrator that allows for simultaneous penetration. For configurations with at least one man : a cockring to prolong and intensify pleasure. For configurations involving double penetration : Test the practice in advance with a dildo Take the time to carefully compare these products, to discover what would truly resonate with you. The object must appeal to you personally. Your partners must also feel perfectly at ease with what will be used on their bodies. Our tips for a threesome that goes well Let go of expectations. Sex is fun. Not an exam, not a competition, not a question of performance. You are three people who want to feel good together. Laugh if something doesn't work, if the timing is off, if a position is uncomfortable. Laughter is the best release valve. Communicate. Before, during, after. During intimacy, say what you enjoy, what feels good, what isn't working. An uncomfortable position? Say so. You'd like more contact? Whisper it. Real conversations in the moment are a form of intimacy in their own right. They create a synchronisation between bodies. After the experience, take time to talk about what you felt. Unexpected emotions may surface. Allow yourselves the freedom to explore them without guilt. Let go of prejudice and preconceived ideas. There is no "right way" to have a threesome. There is your way. You want to explore at your own pace, with your own preferences, according to what puts you at ease. What matters is what all three of you desire. Three bodies. Three desires. Three stories that intertwine for a night. It's not complicated if you take the time to talk, to listen, to anticipate. A threesome is not an end in itself — it's a playground. And if this experience becomes a warm, shared, unforgettable memory? You will have achieved what truly matters.

Read the article