Rediscovering a fulfilling sexuality during menopause

Menopause is a pivotal moment in a woman's life. It is a period of transition during which the body is profoundly transformed. Contrary to what the surrounding silence would have us believe, it is not an ending, but a transformation to be embraced. 

Between 48 and 52 (with an average diagnosis of menopause at 51 according to Inserm), something begins to shift. Cycles become erratic, hot flushes arrive without warning, nights become unfamiliar territory. And then there is what often goes unspoken — that subject whispered only in the gynaecologist's office: the impact on sexuality, on desire, on that part of ourselves that until now felt alive, fluid, natural.

At 1969, we do not believe that menopause closes doors. We believe it redirects them — that it invites you to rediscover, to reinvent, to reconnect with your body in a new way.

What really happens during menopause: when the body transforms

An essential reminder about menopause 

Menopause does not arrive all at once. It settles in gradually, often through three distinct phases: 

• First, perimenopause, those two to four years (on average) when hormones dance a chaotic waltz,

• then menopause itself (diagnosed after twelve consecutive months without periods)

• and finally post-menopause, when symptoms ease and the body finds a new equilibrium.

What changes fundamentally is the body's hormonal architecture. Oestrogen and progesterone, the hormones that have orchestrated your cycle for decades, begin to grow scarce. It is not dramatic — it is biological. But the consequences are very real, and women are not always prepared to navigate them with ease.

Vaginal dryness: when the body changes its language

One of the first things women notice is vaginal dryness. The walls that once lubricated generously on their own become thinner, more fragile, less forthcoming. This is not a superficial physical problem but a genuine physiological change linked to the decline in oestrogen. The vaginal mucous membranes lose their suppleness, their natural elasticity.

This dryness can make intimacy uncomfortable, even painful. And that is how the vicious cycle begins: the more we fear it will hurt, the less we want to try. The more we put it off, the more we become trapped in apprehension. It is a cycle that must be broken — gently, with kindness towards oneself.

Fortunately, there is a simple and surprisingly effective solution: a good lubricant. We do not recommend it as an emergency fix, but as a gesture of tenderness towards your own body. Applied generously before and during intimacy, it restores the fluidity the body has lost, and transforms the experience into something new, something more welcoming. 

The different types of lubricants

Not all lubricants are the same. Here are the main differences to help you choose the one that suits you best.

Water-based
Versatile, easy to rinse off and compatible with condoms as well as most sex toys. They are particularly suited to sensitive mucous membranes, though they may require several applications.

Silicone-based
Longer-lasting and more enveloping, they offer a sustained glide — particularly useful in cases of significant dryness. They are generally compatible with condoms, but are not recommended for use with certain silicone sex toys.

Oil-based

Vegetable oils, such as coconut oil, can be used on the skin, vaginally or anally. They offer a rich texture and lasting glide, but are not always suited to sensitive mucous membranes.

They should never be used with latex or polyisoprene condoms, as they can weaken the material and cause it to break. They are also more difficult to rinse off and may alter the vaginal balance in some people.

Anal lubricants
Designed for anal play, they are generally thicker to ensure better protection against friction. The anal area does not self-lubricate, so it is important to use enough product and to reapply as needed. Anal lubricants can be water-based or silicone-based.

2-in-1 lubricants
Used as both a lubricant and a massage oil, their texture allows you to begin with a moment of gentleness and extend intimacy without switching products. Check their compatibility with condoms and sex toys before use.

To remember: a water-based lubricant is often the simplest place to start. In the event of persistent dryness, pain or irritation, seek advice from a healthcare professional.

 

Vaginal atrophy: beyond the medical terminology

Beyond dryness, vaginal tissue also undergoes a transformation known as vaginal atrophy: a medical term for describing walls that become less toned, less elastic. Sensations can feel dulled. It is as though the body has decided to speak a new language, and one must learn to listen to it again.

For some women, this loss of tone is accompanied by pain during penetration, known medically as dyspareunia. It is more common than one might think, and it is far from inevitable. Indeed, dyspareunia is not exclusive to menopause — it can arise at any point in a woman's life, for a variety of reasons. For example, more than 50% of women affected by endometriosis also experience dyspareunia (Endomind survey).

There are solutions for rediscovering comfort: beyond lubricant, vaginal moisturisers used regularly (several times a week) recreate the natural moisture of the vaginal walls. It is an ongoing treatment, a kind of daily intimate care ritual for your body.

Loss of libido: more complex than we think

Here is the great question that all women ask in silence: why has my desire vanished? Contrary to what one might think, the answer is never simply a question of hormones. It is a subtle entanglement of biological, psychological and relational factors, all intertwined.

Yes, the drop in oestrogen plays a role. Yes, testosterone (which women also produce, in small quantities) diminishes too. But there is also accumulated fatigue (sleep disturbances are common during menopause), mounting anxiety, and a loss of self-confidence in the face of bodily changes. 

There is also what we do not always dare to say: sometimes, quite simply, a lack of communication with a partner. A woman who does not feel desired, who feels invisible, will struggle to feel desirable. It is a simple equation, yet profoundly true. The result: an erratic libido, difficult for both partners to navigate.

The pelvic floor: the great forgotten

There is a silent player in this story, one that is often completely forgotten: the pelvic floor. These muscles that support the pelvic organs also weaken during menopause, under the combined effect of declining oestrogen and natural ageing.

A weakened pelvic floor means not only possible urinary leaks, but also a loss of vaginal tone, diminished sensations, and sometimes a certain pelvic heaviness that is hardly an invitation to sensuality.

The good news? It can be strengthened. Kegel exercises with kegel balls, those contractions and releases of the pelvic floor muscles, may seem simple, but they are powerful. Practised regularly, they restore tone, improve sensitivity, and can sometimes make orgasms deeper and more enveloping. 

The psychological upheavals of menopause

Menopause can also bring a confrontation — sometimes a difficult one — with the passage of time. The skin changes, the body redistributes itself, the hair becomes finer. And suddenly, you no longer quite recognise yourself in the mirror. For many women, this transformation is accompanied by a loss of confidence in their femininity, in their desirability. Society has long perpetuated the idea that female sexuality ends after 50. It is a limiting misconception that must be actively challenged.

Your body changes, yes. But your capacity for pleasure does not disappear. It transforms. It often becomes deeper, more conscious, more authentic. You now know what you truly love, and you no longer need to please — you simply need to savour.

Sleep disturbances, fatigue, anxiety, and even depression that can accompany menopause — all of this affects desire too. It is normal, it is human, and it is temporary if approached with the right tools.

Rediscovering fulfilment: solutions that truly exist

Lubricant: your simplest ally

Let us start with the obvious: a good lubricant truly changes everything. There is no shame in using one — quite the contrary. It is a way of caring for your pleasure while caring for yourself.

At 1969, we recommend water-based lubricants such as those from the Mixgliss brand, which are particularly gentle and respectful of vaginal mucous membranes. Applied generously, lubricant restores the fluidity the body has lost. There are also richer formulas, enriched with hyaluronic acid or aloe vera, that truly hydrate in depth. Choose according to your preferences, your sensitivity, and what makes you feel at ease.

Sexual cosmetics during menopause: a well-kept secret

Here is a secret that few women dare to explore during menopause: sexual cosmetics can transform your relationship with intimacy.

The clitoral stimulants: these small gels or creams that awaken sensation can help you explore your erogenous zones without penetration. They create a gentle warmth, a light tingling, that invites curiosity. Applied to the clitoris, the neck, the breasts, the lips, they transform every caress into a discovery.

The sensual lip glosses: these small luxuries that prepare your lips for oral intimacy, or simply for kissing, tasting, exploring. Beyond aesthetics, they are an invitation to pleasure that begins with the mouth, with taste, with that primal intimacy we so often forget.

Massage, perhaps more than anything else, is the most powerful way to awaken your body. A sensual full-body massage — from your feet to your hair, along your thighs, your stomach, your breasts. It is a way of rediscovering your skin, your sensitivity, your capacity to experience pleasure without expecting anything in return. A couples massage is also a form of intimacy that asks nothing of performance — only presence..

Allow yourself to be tempted by massage oils: formulas that glide over the skin, that smell wonderful, that simply make you feel good. That is all that matters.

Pelvic floor rehabilitation: awakening what lies dormant

A toned pelvic floor brings more intense pleasure. It also means fewer urinary leaks, less pelvic heaviness, and a better overall sense of wellbeing. Kegel exercises can be practised discreetly, anywhere, anytime — with kegel balls or without. But if you prefer a more structured approach, a midwife or specialist physiotherapist can truly make a difference. It is an investment in your intimate wellbeing that is well worth it.

Communication: the foundation of everything

Talk. To your partner, to your doctor, to yourself. Silence nurtures shame, fear, isolation. Communication, on the other hand, creates closeness, understanding, tenderness.

If you are in pain, say so. If you need more time, say so. If you want to try something new, say that too. A partner who truly loves you will want you to feel good, to experience pleasure, to feel desired. If they are not ready to listen, that too is important information.

Medical solutions: when they are needed

For some women, the hormonal decline is so significant that only menopausal hormone therapy (MHT) can truly relieve symptoms. It is a decision to be made with a healthcare professional, carefully weighing the benefits and risks according to your personal situation. But know that it is an option that exists, and that it can genuinely transform quality of life — including sexually.

Intimacy as a couple: reinventing yourselves together

Menopause is not solely a woman's affair. It is a moment of transition for a couple too. If you are in a relationship, it is an opportunity to rediscover each other, to rebuild closeness, to step outside the routines that have settled in over the years… and why not introduce new accessories into your intimate life?

Perhaps your partner also needs to understand what is happening in your body, what you are truly feeling. Perhaps together, you can invent a new form of intimacy — less focused on performance and more on tenderness, play, and discovery. What if menopause were, in reality, an invitation to love differently?

Redefining pleasure at your own pace

What is important to understand is that there is no single model of sexuality during menopause. Some women find their libido increases, finally freed from the fear of pregnancy. Others find pleasure in forms of intimacy less centred on penetration: caresses, kisses, prolonged tenderness. Others still simply rediscover what it feels like to be truly desired — without guilt.

Menopause is not an ending but a reinvention. It can be beautiful, sensual, and deeply fulfilling — provided it is welcomed without guilt, with curiosity, and above all, with tenderness towards oneself.

Your body has not stopped deserving pleasure. It has simply changed its language. It is up to you to learn to speak it, to desire it, to celebrate it.