Lifting the veil on fantasies

There is a part of us we never dare to show. A secret room of the mind where the images that excite us live, the scenes we would confess to no one… until today.

Fantasising means giving yourself permission to dream without guilt. It means granting your imagination a freedom that real life so often denies. In the dark room of intimacy, fantasies are the walls onto which we project our deepest desires, our most secret curiosities, sometimes even our fears transformed into excitement. At 1969, we believe fantasies are not confessions of lack or betrayal. They are open doors to versions of ourselves we have never dared to explore.

For a long time, talking about fantasies belonged to the confessional, to the shameful secret one kept to oneself. Today, science tells us clearly: fantasising is normal, universal, necessary. It is a form of erotic intelligence, a way of engaging with one’s own desire. So let us lift the veil. Let us talk about what makes us quietly tremble, what lives in our most intimate thoughts, what could transform our sex lives if we dared to speak of it.

What is a fantasy, really?

A fantasy is not a lie, a betrayal, or a sign of an unfulfilling sex life. It is a creation of the mind, an erotic scene you construct, consciously or not, to heighten your excitement or explore aspects of yourself that everyday life does not allow you to experience.

Erotic fantasies are intrinsically linked to our deep psychological needs. They often mirror our desire to be loved, recognised, admired, or to forge a deeper connection with our partner. As researcher Justin J. Lehmiller explains in his seminal work Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire, fantasies act as a form of mental therapy. They reveal what we yearn for, what attracts us, and what captivates us, often without our conscious awareness.

A fantasy can be very simple: making love somewhere you have never tried before. It can be more elaborate: imagining a scene of dominance, a threesome, an encounter with a stranger. It can be strange, even unsettling to ourselves: fantasising about something we would never do in reality. The beauty of fantasy is that it does not need logic, morality or coherence. It simply exists, in this private theatre of the mind.

The most common fantasies: you are not alone

One question comes up often: “Am I normal? Do other people fantasise about the same things?” The answer is almost always yes. Far from being individual aberrations, fantasies follow remarkably similar patterns from one person to another.

French people’s favourite fantasies 

According to a survey conducted by the Discurv institute and consulted exclusively by Le Point, the most shared fantasy among French people is making love outside the bedroom. No fewer than 65% of respondents (across all genders) place this desire at the top of their list. The locations mentioned are varied: the car (73%), a deserted beach (71%), the swimming pool (69%), the forest (67%), as well as more daring settings such as the lift (46%), the cinema (44%), the workplace (42%), or the fitting room (39%).

What these figures reveal is that fantasies about places express far more than a simple search for thrills. They reflect a deep desire to break with routine, to reconnect with nature in the face of increasingly regulated urban environments, and to blur the boundaries between public and private in a way that can be intensely exciting.

Beyond places, French people fantasise about scenarios that reinvent their partners’ identities. Role play is mentioned by 37% of them, costumes by 33%. These practices make it possible to play another version of oneself, explore a different dynamic with one’s partner, and temporarily free oneself from the social roles that confine us.

A closer look at the most common fantasies.

The most common fantasies also include:

Group intimacy and threesomes. This fantasy often reflects a desire to feel sensually confident, to be the centre of attention, and to be desired by more than one person. It is an expression of self-assurance and an affirmation of one's own allure.

Sex with strangers or open relationships. Sometimes, this fantasy reveals a curiosity about the unknown, a desire for variety, or a wish to explore a different kind of relationship. It does not necessarily indicate dissatisfaction with one’s partner, but rather a need for exploration.

Romantic, deeply sensory intimacy. Some people dream of moments filled with romance, tenderness, and deep emotional connection. These fantasies reveal a desire for deeper intimacy and the feeling of being truly cherished.

Using pleasure objects as a couple. Introducing a pleasure object into your intimacy can fulfil the desire to explore new sensations, share deeper pleasure, or break away from routine. Far from replacing your partner, it becomes a true accomplice in renewing sensations and enriching intimacy.

Domination and submission. Sadomasochism, BDSM, and power dynamics hold a fascination for many. Often, these fantasies reflect a desire to let go, to feel in control (or conversely, to relinquish it), and to inhabit roles that cannot be played out in everyday life.

Sex in public or unusual places. Exhibitionism, voyeurism, sex in public: these fantasies play on adrenaline, risk and transgression. They often express a desire to feel free, alive and daring.

Role play and cosplay. Becoming someone else, embodying a character, exploring an alternative identity: these fantasies allow for play, creativity and the freedom to be.

The list could go on indefinitely. What matters is that your fantasy is valid, whether it is common or exotic, gentle or intense, realistic or entirely imaginary.

Fantasising about someone else: am I being unfaithful?

A question that troubles many people: if I fantasise about someone else while making love with my partner, am I being unfaithful? The answer is no. Absolutely not.

Fantasies are mental creations, films we play in our heads. They are unconscious, unpredictable, sometimes even contrary to our values or real desires. Fantasising about someone else does not mean we truly want to be with that person, that we are unhappy in our relationship, or that we are betraying our partner.

In reality, many people — an estimated nine out of ten — fantasise about someone else during sex with their partner. It is a way of heightening excitement, sustaining interest and letting the imagination carry you away. What matters is not the object of the fantasy, but that you take pleasure with your partner.

Some couples even find that sharing their fantasies creates greater intimacy. It says: “This is what excites me, these are the images that pass through my mind, this is who I really am, without a filter.” It is a form of extreme vulnerability, of complete trust.

Should you bring your fantasies to life?

Asking yourself the right questions before taking the plunge

This is the big question. Fantasising about something is one thing. Bringing it to life is another. There is a reason some fantasies remain in the realm of dreams: there, they are perfect, untouched by reality.

Reality brings friction, awkward moments, nervous laughter, and times when the mood simply does not take hold. A fantasy brought to life can be wonderful, but it can also disappoint. Some fantasies lose their exciting power once they are lived out. Others, on the contrary, become even more powerful.

Here is what sexologists recommend: bringing a fantasy to life should be a conscious, considered choice, never an obligation. There are a few essential questions to ask yourself:

• Do I really want to do it, or do I think I should? There is a difference between a fantasy that truly excites you and one you think you ought to have because you read about it somewhere.

• Does my partner agree? Do they want to? Bringing a fantasy to life alone is possible. But if it involves a partner, the enthusiastic consent of both people is essential.

• What are the risks? Am I ready to take them? Making love on a beach can be magical, but it is also risky, legally and socially. Having a threesome can strengthen a relationship, but it can also create tension. It is important to have considered the possible consequences.

• How will I feel afterwards? Some people feel liberated after bringing a fantasy to life. Others feel strangely empty, or regretful. There is no right or wrong reaction, but it is important to anticipate it.

Bringing a fantasy to life: the golden rules 

If you decide to bring a fantasy to life, a few principles are essential: 

• The enthusiastic consent of both partners;

• Clear communication before, during and afterwards;

• Respect for each other’s boundaries;

• The possibility of saying no or stopping at any moment.

Fantasies and relationships: which approach should you take? 

Fantasy as a secret garden or a space for shared exploration

There are two approaches: some couples prefer to keep their fantasies private, like a personal secret garden. Others prefer to explore them together, share them, bring them to life.

Fantasy as a secret garden can be beautiful. It is a space entirely your own, where you answer to no one. You can fantasise about anyone, anything, without fear of judgement. Some couples find that this separation between imagination and reality strengthens their relationship. Fantasy remains a form of mental freedom, a personal escape.

Fantasy as shared territory creates a different kind of intimacy. By sharing your fantasies, you invite your partner into your inner world. You are saying: “This is what excites me, this is who I really am.” It can create a very deep connection, a new mutual understanding.

There is no right or wrong approach. Some couples alternate: sometimes they keep their fantasies to themselves, sometimes they share them. What matters is finding what works for both of you.

How to talk to your partner about your fantasies

This is often where things become difficult. How do you tell someone you love, “I would like us to try this”, without risking hurting or shocking them, or creating discomfort?

Here are a few tips for approaching the subject:

Start outside the bedroom. Do not bring up your fantasy in the middle of sex. Choose a calm, intimate, but non-sexual moment. An evening in bed before sleep, or a Sunday morning over coffee. A moment when you both feel relaxed and open.

Be honest about your intention. Say something like: “I would like us to talk about our respective fantasies. I would love to know what excites you, what you would like to try.” This creates mutual permission.

Present your fantasy as a curiosity, not a criticism. Do not say: “Our sex life is boring, I need this.” Instead, say: “I have fantasised about... and I would like to know what you think. Does it interest you?”

Really listen to your partner’s response. Do not pressure them, judge them or minimise their feelings. If your partner says no, respect that no. If they say “perhaps one day”, accept that answer. If they say “yes, I would like that”, explore together how to make it happen.

Suggest sharing your fantasies with each other. It creates equality, a shared vulnerability. You reveal yourselves emotionally, which can create incredible intimacy.

Start gently. You don't need to fulfil your most intense fantasy right away. Begin with something more accessible, such as introducing a small pleasure object together, to see how it feels and gently build trust.

A few fantasies to explore together

If you are looking for inspiration to begin exploring, here are a few ideas that may resonate with you:

Simple role-play. You don't need elaborate costumes. Sometimes, all it takes is looking at each other differently, imagining a chance encounter, or inventing a story. It can be as simple as pretending to be strangers meeting for the first time. Wearing a mask can also help you transform your appearance, embody a character, and lend a more mysterious touch to the scenario.

Change the setting. Make love somewhere other than your usual bedroom. It could be another room in the house, a hotel, a car parked somewhere. A change of surroundings is often enough to create a new sense of excitement.

Introducing accessories. A pleasure object, specialist lubricant, make-up, or sensual attire: these elements can transform the experience, create a new atmosphere, and make exploration effortless.

Gentle power play. Consensual domination and submission. One partner takes the lead while the other surrenders to guidance. This can be deeply exciting for both and inspire a completely new dynamic. A blindfold, cuffs, or other BDSM accessories are all it takes to introduce this dynamic gently, always with full respect for mutual consent and boundaries.

Communication during intimacy. Speaking during intimate moments, expressing your desires, sharing your sensations, and creating an erotic dialogue—this alone can be enough to completely transform the experience.

For those wishing to explore more specific dynamics, accessories such as a harness and strap-on or a couples' vibrator can open up entirely new horizons.

What your fantasies say about you

Let us be clear: your fantasies do not define who you are. A fantasy of dominance does not mean you are a dominant or cruel person. A fantasy of submission does not mean you lack self-confidence. A fantasy of infidelity does not mean you are unfaithful.

Fantasies are creations of the mind, often unconscious, often at odds with our real values. They reflect our curiosities, our fears, our desire to explore, but not necessarily who we truly are.

That said, fantasies can reveal certain things. They can show what is missing from our current sex lives. They can point to unmet psychological needs: the need to be loved, admired, recognised, or conversely, the need to let go and stop controlling everything.

Listening to your fantasies means listening to your own desire. It is a form of bodily wisdom. It does not mean acting on every fantasy, but rather respecting them, acknowledging them, and learning something about yourself through them.

Breaking the taboo, cultivating freedom

For a long time, fantasies were shameful secrets, things people did not talk about, even things they hid from themselves. Today, science shows us clearly: fantasising is healthy, normal and universal. It is a form of erotic intelligence, a way of engaging with our own desire.

By lifting the veil on our fantasies, we do more than free ourselves. We free our partners too. We create a space where vulnerability is possible, authenticity is valued, and everyone can be entirely themselves.

So, what will you do with your fantasies? Keep them secret, like intimate treasures? Share them with your partner? Bring them to life? Let them exist only in your imagination? There is no single answer. There is only your answer, the one that reflects who you are, what you desire, what makes you tremble.

At 1969, we believe that fantasies deserve to be explored with respect, curiosity, and kindness. Our pleasure object collections have been designed to accompany this exploration, creating moments where fantasy can come to life, or simply remain what it is: an endless source of desire, imagination, and freedom.