Threesome: a complete guide

According to a Discurv study published in 2025, the threesome ranks among the most widespread fantasies among French people, particularly among women (40% of respondents in a European IFOP survey). And for good reason: it's one of the best ways to step outside pre-established sexual scripts, to let your desire speak freely and to completely reinvent the codes of sexuality.

Threesomes aren't reserved for couples. Singles, straight couples, queer, lesbian, gay — it doesn't matter. What counts is that open-mindedness, that curiosity, that shared desire to explore together what three bodies can create.

On paper, it's thrilling. In real life? It's more complicated. What does it actually look like? How do you make sure everyone feels comfortable? How do you find the right person or people for your threesome?

Here is the guide you've been waiting for, for those ready to take the leap.

How to talk about a threesome with your partner?

The right setting for the conversation

If you're in a relationship and you raise this question, one rule applies: context is (almost) everything. Don't bring up this conversation after an argument, during a moment of tension, and especially not in the middle of intimacy (or right after). Raw desire is not the right moment to discuss shared intimacy.

Create a calm, neutral moment : a quiet dinner for two, a walk, an instant where you feel connected without sex as the immediate backdrop. The atmosphere must be conducive to trust — the kind where you sense the other person is truly receptive, open, not on the defensive.

When you raise the subject, be precise about your intentions. Don't let your partner imagine the worst. Tell them clearly what excites you: is it the thrill of sharing your intimacy? The possibility of discovering new sensations? The desire to breathe new life into your shared world? Express that this is a shared project, an adventure you want to experience together — not a veiled critique of your relationship or your current sexuality.

If you're single, you don't have this prior conversation with a partner, but the importance of establishing a clear framework with those who will participate is no less essential.

Threesome: the points that must absolutely be addressed

Before you take the plunge, certain questions must be placed on the table, for all three participants:

• Context and logistics. Where? When? At your place or elsewhere? For a first time, you need to be physically and psychologically prepared. Total improvisation can create unnecessary anxiety. Talk about the location, the timing, how everything will be practically organized.

• What you are ready to do or not do. Which positions appeal to you? Where do you draw the line? What you're open to exploring, and what's off-limits. No judgment, but complete clarity. You don't want intimacy with a close friend? Say so.

• Your fears and reservations. Be honest about what worries you. Fearing exclusion, jealousy, or inadequacy is normal. Naming those fears is how you disarm them. A threesome only succeeds when all three people feel involved, valued, never abandoned.

• The relational context. Who is the third person? A friend, someone met online, a colleague you like? The dynamic will be entirely different depending on whether you have an existing history or not. Discuss what this implies relationally for each person.

• The before and the after. Do you stay together as three afterward? Do you find yourselves alone as two? Do you sleep together? When do you speak again? Don't leave these details vague. Much disappointment stems from unspoken expectations about what happens once bodies have parted.

And above all: consent is the absolute priority for all three people. It is the foundation upon which everything rests.

What reservations might your partner have?

When people think about a threesome, certain fears come up regularly — and they're legitimate. Knowing them means you can anticipate them.

• The fear of being left out is the most common : "What if I don't feel involved in what's happening? What if the other two focus on each other, leaving me on the sidelines?" This is crucial to address beforehand. During the experience, everyone must be mindful to ensure no one feels left behind.

• Jealousy. Even in an open relationship, seeing your partner with someone else can trigger unexpected emotions. Some find it exciting, others may struggle deeply. Talk about it openly together before you take the leap.

• The fear of performance. "What if it doesn't go well? What if I'm not up to it?" Let that go right now. Sex is fun, not a competition. No one is there to judge, compare, or evaluate. You're there to feel good and to enjoy yourself. That's all.

How to find a threesome?

Talk about it with those around you

It's quite possible that within your circle, someone attracts you: a female friend, a male friend, someone you see occasionally and with whom the connection could move to the next level. If you're considering this option, be extremely clear about the boundaries. The last thing you want is for this intimate experience to damage a precious friendship.

The more explicit, the better. Ask the same questions as you would a stranger, perhaps even with more clarity, since an enduring relationship depends on it.

If no one in your usual circle feels right, go out, frequent bars, create connections, build a feeling. 

Be attentive to small gestures, glances, and mutual attentions. Create sexual tension and observe how each person responds. Sometimes, attraction arises where you least expect it.

Dedicated apps

Classic dating apps (Tinder, Bumble) can work, but you'll come across a lot of profiles that aren't necessarily looking for a threesome. If you go that route, clarify your intentions in your bio. Be direct: "We're looking for someone for a threesome" saves time and avoids misunderstandings.

Even better: dedicated apps. Here are our recommendations:

• Feeld : one of the most well-known, designed to explore all fantasies without judgment.

• Nous Libertins : for couples or individuals seeking shared experiences.

• Le club app : application designed for libertines

• FetLife : if you envision the threesome with a more BDSM edge.

These apps save you precious time. Everyone there shares the same explicit intention. Look for profiles with experience, who understand the codes, who inspire trust. Take your time. Don't rush toward the first interesting profile. The finest experiences are born of patience and intuition.

Libertine evenings

Libertine evenings and libertine clubs are the real-life equivalent of dating apps, but with cocktails, music, and an atmosphere. The women and men who attend do so knowing that the door is open to encounters, exchanges, and perhaps direct connection on the spot.

You can go alone or as a couple. It's a place for encounter and exploration, a space where desire can be expressed freely, without shame.

Finding the right evening or the right venue is less straightforward than it seems, especially if you're just starting out. Word of mouth remains your greatest ally : you can be assured the evening will be of quality, organized by serious people who take consent seriously.

Before going, check: the theme, the average age of attendees, the reputation, the consent guarantees, the venue. You want to be somewhere that inspires trust.

Once inside, it's like a bar, a spa or a classic evening out, but infused with eroticism : the outfits are bolder, the music more sensual, the atmosphere more charged. You can let yourself go fully — dance, kiss, explore. The libertine clubs of the 70s had that energy: the kind of place where sexual freedom expressed itself openly and without guilt.

Threesome: what does it actually look like? 

Three bodies, three different rhythms. What takes ten minutes for one may take twenty for another and forty for the last. At 1969 we believe sex toys are not so much crutches, but rather tools for synchronization : a variable-intensity stimulator allows each person to heighten their pleasure without rushing the others. A shared remote control turns variations into a collective game.

Moreover, before you take the leap, explore certain practices together beforehand : double penetration, for example. You'll approach the threesome with greater ease, knowing what works for you.

The secret? Not striving for perfect synchrony, but honoring each person's own rhythm.

Positions for a threesome 

With three bodies, the configurations are endless. Here are a few ideas based on anatomy and desire, to give you a direction by incorporating a sex toy.

Woman / Woman / Man

Configuration 1 : vaginal penetration + stimulation between women

The man penetrates one of the women. The other draws closer and the two women caress each other, pleasure each other, kiss. The woman being penetrated feels a double thrill: the man's penetration and the touch of her partner. 

For this configuration, a multi-use clitoral stimulator allows the woman being penetrated or the second woman to receive clitoral stimulation. She can use it herself or her partner can do it for her.

Configuration 2 : oral pleasure + stimulation with an air pulse stimulator

The man receives oral pleasure from one of the women. To heighten everyone's enjoyment, you can use an arousing and stimulating gloss that awakens sensations and creates extra shivers.

Meanwhile, the other woman receives controlled stimulation with a air-pulse clitoral stimulator, held by the man or by her partner. The air-pulse stimulator creates a sensation of waves that gradually intensifies pleasure, building a parallel crescendo: as the man's excitement rises through oral pleasure, the women reach the same level of desire through clitoral stimulation. All three bodies find their natural synchronization.

Configuration 3: vaginal penetration + stimulation with a realistic dildo

The man penetrates one of the women. The other woman can be simultaneously pleasured using a realistic dildo . Either the man or one of the women can stimulate their partner to create sensations of double penetration without the third body being directly involved.

The women can also penetrate each other. A double dong (that long sex toy divided into two ends) allows both women to penetrate each other simultaneously, reveling in the closeness and each other's movements. The man enjoys the view, can caress them or stimulate them in other ways.

Man / Woman / Man

Configuration 1 : one man penetrates, the other receives

One of the men penetrates the woman vaginally or anally. The other man is pleasured manually, receives oral stimulation, or simply lets himself be caressed by one of the two partners. A vibrating cockring helps delay and intensify the pleasure of the one receiving stimulation. The vibration heightens sensations without being too overwhelming.

Configuration 2 : double penetration

This is often the central fantasy in this configuration: the woman receives both men simultaneously, one vaginally, the other anally (or according to her preferences). A cockring or penile ring can also be used to maintain an erection for longer. Turn to an adjustable cockring like the Hero Ring if you're unsure which model to choose: made from soft medical-grade silicone, it suits all sizes and body types.

An intimate lubricant is absolutely essential here: it's the secret to ensuring everything unfolds with comfort and ease. The Mixgliss Max range is ideal for accompanying intense and prolonged play. It's a reliable choice for your threesome.

To prepare the woman for double penetration, the couple can use a dildo or a harness like the Desirous to explore this quite intense practice beforehand.

Configuration 3 : vaginal penetration + oral pleasure

One man penetrates the woman vaginally. The other man receives oral pleasure from her. The woman is at the center — double stimulation, double sensation. You can add arousing products for oral pleasure to intensify the experience.

Man / Man / Man

Configuration 1: simultaneous penetration

One man penetrates the second, who penetrates the third. A chain of pleasure, a sensation of bodily continuity. Consider a anal sex toy to prepare.

Configuration 2 : penetration + manual stimulation

One penetrates the other while the third pleasures themselves manually or with a masturbator.

Configuration 3 : penetration + oral pleasure

One penetrates the second while the third finds pleasure through oral intimacy. Each body holds a place, receives its own devoted attention.

Woman / Woman / Woman

Configuration 1 : multi-stimulation masturbation

The three women caress each other with fingers, tongue, or a sex toy such as a rabbit vibrator designed for dual stimulation (clitoral and penetration). One or more sex toys can circulate between them, each discovering them at their own pace.

Configuration 2 : the vibrating egg as a shared game

In a three-women configuration, a vibrating egg can create an interesting game: one wears it while the other two decide when to activate it, or each can wear one and mix up the remotes. Each one experiences this freedom of the hands: caressing the other without interruption, exploring, playing with intensities. It's a form of passing power and pleasure where no one is left behind.

Configuration 3 : harness + double stimulation

One of the women wears a harness with a dildo or a strap-on and penetrates one of her partners. The Unique lingerie harness can accommodate one or two dildos for double penetration. It is perfect for pegging, vaginal penetration and double penetration.

The woman being penetrated can also pleasure the third woman: each one giving and receiving at the same time. 

Essential accessories for a threesome

Before embarking on a shared experience, equip yourself with the right accessories. Here is what your kit should contain for a successful first threesome:

• Intimate lubricant : it's the absolute priority. With three bodies, encounters can be longer, more intense, creating more friction. A good lubricant drastically improves comfort and ensures everything flows smoothly. Water-based is essential if you're using silicone sex toys.

• In a configuration with at least one man and one woman: A multi-stimulation sex toy like the Man Wand Edgy , a powerful 2-in-1 Wand with an interchangeable head. It stimulates erogenous zones, as well as the frenulum, glans, and perineum. A perfect all-in-one for your threesome.

• For configurations with at least two women: A dildo or vibrator that allows simultaneous penetration.

• For configurations with at least one man : a cockring to prolong and intensify pleasure.

• For configurations involving double penetration: Practice the experience beforehand with a dildo

Take the time to carefully compare these products, to discover what would truly resonate with you. The object should appeal to you, personally. Your partners must also feel perfectly comfortable with what will be used on their bodies.

Our tips for a threesome that goes smoothly

Let go of pressure. Sex is fun. Not an exam, not a contest, not a performance challenge. You are three people who want to feel good together. Laugh if something isn't working, if the timing is off, if a position is uncomfortable. Laughter is the best release valve.

Communicate. Before, during, after. During intimacy, say what you enjoy, what feels good, what isn't working. An awkward position? Say so. You'd like more contact? Whisper it. Real conversations in the moment are a form of intimacy in their own right. They create a synchronization between bodies.

After the experience, take time to talk about what you felt. Unexpected emotions may arise. Give yourself permission to explore them without guilt.

Let go of preconceptions and received ideas. There is no "right way" to have a threesome. There is your way. You want to explore at your own pace, with your own preferences, according to what makes you comfortable. What matters is what all three of you desire.

Three bodies. Three desires. Three stories that intertwine for a night. It's not complicated if you take the time to talk, to listen, to anticipate. A threesome isn't an end in itself — it's a playground.

And if this experience becomes a warm, shared, unforgettable memory? You will have achieved what truly matters.